Intro: Hi. Hey. Hi! Hello. This is Dustin. This is Vik. This is Kyle. Chris and you're listening to Brainwaves. You're listening to Brainwaves. You're listening to BRAINWAVES your guide to all things ADHD adhd ADHD. Brought to you by Shimmer shimmer shimmer the number one coaching platform coaching platform for people people with ADHD with ADHD for people with ADHD

O'Ryan: Hey there. My name is O'Ryan and today I am joined by my two co-hosts. Coach Noelle.

Noelle: Hi there!

O'Ryan: And Trina from my lady ADHD.

Trina: Hello!

O'Ryan: Today, we have a question from the community about communication and relationships.

Trina: Hello, this is Trina from Knoxville, and I'm wondering, I have a bad habit of interrupting people a lot. Most of the time I don't even realize it, or I realize it too late. It frustrates my husband and my family. What can I do to address this?

O'Ryan: That's a great question. Trina from Knoxville. I'm sure a lot of our listeners can relate to this. is this something that you feel like you deal with as well?

Yeah because I am Trina from Knoxville

Trina: I submitted this one because I'm struggling here, and I think that other people with ADHD can relate to this one, and I don't think it's talked about enough, so that was me. I'm the problem, it's me.

Noelle: This is for sure something that literally this week I've had at least two different clients who brought this up. So, it's a very, very common challenge.

Trina: Yeah, I find that this is an issue with everyone in my life. Family, friends, people at work. This is, anytime I'm in a social situation, this comes up. It's something that I'm deeply aware of, that I've been called out on. I mean, it's a problem for me. So, I just wanted to bring it to the table.

O'Ryan: I feel like I do this all the time but always unaware of it in the moment. And it's always in that, you leave the interaction and then you're just replaying the conversation over and over in your head your

it's going to be really hard for us to not

Trina: interrupt one another

O'Ryan: know I'm trying. So I'm trying so hard right now.

Noelle: know.

O'Ryan: So obviously this is a thing that we all deal with.

Trina: I mean, I've been flat out told that I was rude for interrupting. It's, it's definitely something that comes up in conversation with me and my husband cause. It can sometimes derail his train of thought, because I will interrupt him while he's in the middle of telling a story, and then I go off on my own tangent, and then he doesn't know where he was, so it comes up a lot but yeah, I've been told that I was rude, or, you know, and, and I get it, but it is so difficult to manage so that's why I'm hoping we can talk about it today.

Noelle: Yeah, I mean the rude thing is totally common. A lot of people hear things like, oh you should just think before you speak or you don't have any discipline or willpower, you're an asshole. But, it's not something that I've personally experienced. I've generally been the listener. And while I do definitely interrupt on occasion, just personally haven't gotten any feedback.

But I hear all those types of feedback from clients constantly.

O'Ryan: The, the just think before you speak is, is one that like kills me because it's do you, do you know me? Do you that's literally what I'm doing all the time. It doesn't

Trina: Well but also sometimes people won't say anything, but they'll just look, they'll give you that look where, you know, Ooh, I've stuck my foot in it this time, didn't I? Like you've said, you've said something or you've interrupted before you've even thought about it. And you get that look from the other person sometimes they won't say anything, but you know.

Noelle: Yeah, it feels to me same as when you tell someone that you're depressed, you're sad, and they're like, well, just think positive.

O'Ryan: hmm.

Noelle: Thanks, so helpful. Like

O'Ryan: Fixed.

Noelle: can stop paying my therapist now like,

O'Ryan: Obviously we're not doing it to be rude. Both of you are like the least rude people I know in the world. So what, what is going on?

Noelle: yeah, well, the the actual underlying symptom is called impulse control or response inhibition. It's basically the ability to stop and think before you do a thing, which is kind of our whole thing with ADHD.

We, we lack that ability innately to do that. We have to learn to do that. There's other reasons for interrupting, maybe. Being super excited or, being bored and wanting to speed up the conversation. Maybe you're really worried that you're going to forget what you wanted to say. but, I think probably the most common underlying issue is that symptom of impulse control.

O'Ryan: Hmm. Okay. So can you break down impulse control for us a little bit? Just so, cause you mentioned, you mentioned response inhibition and impulse control. Are they the same thing?

Noelle: Yeah, yeah, they're really basically two different terms for the same thing, just kind

O'Ryan: Okay.

Noelle: who you're talking to but phrase you want to use their response inhibition impulse control is one of the main executive functions that we have, and Executive functions are the set of mental skills that we need in order to learn, work, manage daily life. Some people describe it as the management system of your brain.

O'Ryan: Hmm.

Trina: So we have no, I need a manager and it has to be me. Oh Lord.

O'Ryan: You need uh, school teacher version of Trina with a ruler. That's good.

Noelle: Yeah,

Trina: I need to hire a manager for all of those things basically.

Noelle: I saw a meme that was I am so bad at functioning, how did I become an executive at it?

O'Ryan: I feel like everybody has this problem. This isn't just a, an ADHD problem. Right. But the way that it works with people with ADHD obviously differs. It's, it's something that we struggle with more than, than maybe somebody who doesn't have ADHD. I guess, why do we have a harder time with this?

Noelle: I guess let's define you know, really is

O'Ryan: impulse control or responsive inhibition the ability to suppress actions that are inappropriate in a given context, or that interfere with goal driven behavior. So, in English, to stop and evaluate before making a decision.

And so the reason that people with ADHD struggle more with this it gets kind of complex with all the scientific jargon, but there's actually a few different metaphors that I think really illustrate it well. So the overall idea is that the ADHD brain is super powerful and fast, and the part of the brain that is responsible for being aware in the moment and making you pause is slower and weaker. Russell Barkley has the analogy of a Ferrari with bicycle brakes, which is a really good analogy, I think. At Shimmer we have the elephant and rider So, the elephant is your in the moment, what I need and want right now, part of your brain. the rider sitting on top is looking out ahead, you know, those goals, the values that we have. It's supposed to control the elephant. But, if the elephant is just too strong that Ryder can't overpower it.

Trina: there's a book that I

read. It's a children's

called my brain is a racecar and I love that analogy. And I think we talked about that prior um but the elephant and the rider is a good visual because it's just that it feels so big and the elephant is so big and it does feel hard to manage sometimes. So I think I actually prefer that analogy a little bit, but there aren't brakes for me. My brakes, I need to go to the shop and figure out how to get some brake pads because there just aren't any.

O'Ryan: Is there, is there a brain shop where we can go get brakes?

Noelle: Man, if there is I'm going to be pissed because someone should have told me about it earlier

O'Ryan: When I start thinking about my ADHD and my tendency to make impulsive decisions and stuff like this, I feel like this also might affect more than just me interrupting, especially in like relationships and stuff like that.

Noelle: It causes a lot of different symptoms, not just interrupting. So overspending, overeating, outbursts, other risky behavior fidgeting might, you know, kind of be related to that. being impatient and easily distracted.

Those are all sort of connected to the executive function of response inhibition

Trina: I feel like you just described my personality

i,

I'm like checking them off one at a time and it's, oh, it doesn't feel good. Like none of that, you know, it doesn't feel good to hear those things like in a list like that, but I resonate personally with every single one of those. And I think women face a different reaction to doing all of these things than men do sometimes.

I think that out or fidgeting or lack of patience for women is just viewed differently than it is for men, too. So there's like a whole other societal pressure for women who have this impulsivity. So it's just, it's really interesting and I don't like this list at all.

O'Ryan: it's, it's interesting, right? Cause I feel like for men, it can almost be seen as a strength because you are interrupting. You were taking control of the situation. It's confidence. It's like fast thinking all these things, but then on the flip side, I can imagine as a woman who is feeling the pressure to conform to those specific standards, it's completely the opposite.

Trina: Yeah. And I've heard this with lots of women with ADHD of how it's just. There is a different standard there and, and a lot of times it's why women or girls weren't diagnosed younger also is because they were

O'Ryan: Hmm.

Trina: down so much, which is masking, which we can talk about another episode. But all of this is related.

It feels related to me as someone who's lived it. So it's very interesting to break it down and look at it.

O'Ryan: I want to go back a second. Noel, you mentioned some of the other reasons for interrupting, and I know you mentioned boredom excitement there was some anxiety stuff. I'm curious. When you do a little bit of introspection in your, which we definitely don't do as ADHD folks.

That was sarcasm. We definitely do all the time too much. I'm curious. Do you, do you feel like when you're interrupting, is it coming out of a place of, of trying to speed that, that conversation up? Or is it from like a, anxiety around memory or maybe just not being good at a conversation and masking and doing it weirdly?

Trina: I resonate with the first two so I feel like a lot of times my brain is just fast and I wanna get the conversation going. the conversation going. It feels like I'm trying to get to the point to the and everyone else is taking a lot of turns to get there and I'm trying to speed up the process. And the other one is just excitement.

If it's, especially if it's something I'm really interested in, I'm excited. I have so much to say about it, probably because I've researched whatever topic for hours on end. So yeah, it depends. It's usually really excited or just trying to, trying to get to the point a little bit. I think it's that race car brain and not having the brakes to stop and listen. and I don't know if it is anxiety or around social situations for me personally, because I'm an extrovert. But I can see how someone may be an introvert that might affect them differently.

Noelle: Yeah, I think now I would say for me it's almost always going to be the excitement or showing interest in what the person is saying. When I was early on, very first getting into therapy before I had switched to coaching, I think a lot of it was the memory piece trying to hold so much information in my head while I'm listening to the other person and trying to remember what they said long enough for them to finish and then be able to. use all this therapy information and sort of synthesize it with what they said and there's a lot going on there and I didn't trust myself to remember it and that's also anxiety related too like that worry about remembering things causes anxiety right there

O'Ryan: Yep, I definitely feel that. There are also instances where I will be so excited about, not only the topic, but even just the idea of connecting with this person. Once you get past all the small talk and the boring stuff, which is definitely not interesting to me.

When we start getting into something that I do find interesting or the, even just the prospect of being able to connect with this other person, I feel like that drives a lot of my interruptions where I will want to jump in with my own story. And you know, for ADHD, that's like the opposite of connecting.

Trina: I've noticed when I'm surrounded with other ADHD people, the

O'Ryan: Hmm.

Trina: is not really a thing.

O'Ryan: Yeah. We're, we're all like

Noelle: Mm hmm.

Trina: with it. We allow it. The conversation flows quickly

O'Ryan: Mm-Hmm.

Trina: and there's connections being made very quickly. And I love being in a group of other people with ADHD because it does allow me to unmask and say what I'm thinking and interrupt.

And I don't get that same sharp, you know, what's it called? I don't get that same reaction, I guess. When I'm with a group of ADHD people. So, just wanted to kind of throw that out there.

O'Ryan: I was recently at dinner and I noticed that there was this couple sitting behind me and they were talking, and they were going on like this, ADHD, just jumping from different topics to different topics. And the person I was out with dinner with was we were both kind of listening and, and they were like, they, they're not even having a, they're just saying stuff.

And, and I felt as an ADHD person, I was like, no, they're, they're like, they're predicting what each other's saying and they don't even have to finish their sentences. They just know okay, now we're moving to this part. Here's a new connection. Here's a new connection. And I find when I'm talking with somebody else who has ADHD, I feel like the conversation is faster and we're, we're kind of making those jumps together.

However, I feel like there is also the possibility of us jumping in different directions and then the conversation is like completely lost.

Trina: Yeah, we were talking about that at the ADHD conference, it's like you could be in mid conversation and just walk away and I'd still be like, nah, it's okay it's fine, it doesn't matter that kind of gives me permission to do the same thing, so it's an interesting dynamic to be in a group of, it's, I don't think it's that common to find yourself in that space unless you go to an ADHD conference or have a group of

O'Ryan: Hmm.

Trina: But it's really interesting to put yourself in that place and see the difference of the communication style you're in. I just find it kind of fascinating. And I think it's also a way for me to notice ADHD people in the wild.

O'Ryan: Yeah.

Trina: Like, how are they communicating? Oh, okay. That person has ADHD.

Noelle: Mm hmm.

Trina: Yeah. Okay. Back on track.

O'Ryan: When I'm thinking about interrupting, especially in the context of relationships do you find that this shows up differently, say in like a romantic relationship versus a workplace relationship?

Trina: I do. I think I'm masking more at work generally, and

O'Ryan: Hmm.

Trina: aware of it. And I think in my more personal or like romantic relationships, I'm unmasked a little bit more. And so it's more likely for me to interrupt more often. I think masking plays a big part in it for me.

Noelle: Yeah, I would agree with that. I think there's not necessarily a blanket statement that's going to apply to everyone. For example, I work with almost 90%, maybe more people with ADHD, so I don't mask as much at work because everyone knows and is used to it and also does it. but You know, maybe, depending on the person, and what types of relationships they're in, and how comfortable they are in those relationships there's probably going to be some difference as far as maybe how much you interrupt,

O'Ryan: It's interesting because I feel like masking almost becomes a forcing function then for you to slow down and consider what's going on. I don't know that it's necessarily a positive forcing function, but it is an interesting. It's an interesting thing.

Trina: had a conversation with Dr. Tamara Rosier. She wrote Your Brain's Not Broken and we talked about her on the think on the

O'Ryan: Mm hmm.

Trina: I was kind of. Feeling like masking wasn't a good thing. Like I had

O'Ryan: Mm.

Trina: association with masking and she kind of. Flip the script on me a little bit and like masking is good in some scenarios in a way you know, if you're in a board meeting, maybe you need to calm

O'Ryan: Mm.

Trina: little bit, like sometimes masking serves us in different scenarios. And so I've started to look at it through a different light, but also just being aware of it, or that you have to in this situation, or just being aware of it is a big deal, but I, I'm kind of leaning towards it's not always a bad thing.

O'Ryan: Mm. Interesting.

Trina: working my way through that. We can

O'Ryan: It's

Trina: episode on masking.

O'Ryan: It's almost tailoring your your conversation to the other person so that they can receive it.

Trina: It's just being aware of the ability to read the room a little bit.

O'Ryan: Yeah.

Trina: that's kind of how she played it was like, maybe masking is you, your ability to know, the room and know the dynamics of the room. And, maybe it's helpful

Noelle: Yeah. I legit just finished a blog on masking and yeah, I, I intentionally put a piece in there about how masking isn't inherently bad because whether

O'Ryan: Mm. Mm. Maybe

Noelle: everyone masks in certain situations. Like you're expected to dress a certain way when you go to work or you go to a wedding or some kind of fancy event. You're expected to not curse if you go to, religious events. Those type of things. And those are socially accepted and normal and I think the key, if you're trying to figure out, okay, well , is masking an issue for me or is it harmful to me, or is it okay, I think the key there is looking at what is my intention behind it, and if the intention has something to do with guilt or shame am trying to hide the way I am, my behaviors, or anything about myself because I'm afraid if I don't hide this, other people are going to judge me.

I won't fit in. I'll make someone mad. Those kind of things, that's probably something to look at and see if there are other ways exist that don't require so much masking because it does get exhausting and it is part of why people with ADHD tend to burn out so quickly.

Trina: Oh, Lordy.

O'Ryan: like a bonus bit about masking.

so we've been talking a lot about what this is and how it manifests in our life. I'm curious, What can we do to address this .

Noelle: Well, I think there's a few sort of overarching general strategies. first of all is figuring out the why. You want to figure out, okay, is this an issue with impulse control? Am I super anxious in this situation? Am I struggling with memory or worried about remembering things? Am I super excited? Am I really bored and wanting to, know, move on to the next discussion? What is going on for me that I am interrupting?

Then once you figure out, okay, in these contexts, these are kind of my triggers interrupting, then you can start matching coping skills or techniques

O'Ryan: Hmm.

Noelle: whatever to that specific situation. Then of course, you know, practicing once you figure out coping skills or techniques or whatever, you want to practice regularly with friends and family that probably is going to involve communicating your needs explaining to your loved ones and hey, this is a part of my ADHD, it's something I struggle with just because that's how my brain is wired. I'm trying to learn how to do this differently. you help me practice it? letting them know how they can help. Maybe. Hey! your hand up or something whenever I interrupt so I am aware of it in the moment and I can take a second to look back and say, oh, what, why, why did I do that?

O'Ryan: Hmm.

Noelle: and then also self compassion. We're probably going to talk about this in every episode, but seriously, it is important because more you beat yourself up, the The less dopamine you're gonna have, the less executive functioning you're gonna have, because it sort of siphons the, the fuel from your, your brain car.

O'Ryan: It almost becomes this thing where you get into these situations where you interrupt, you reflect on it and you feel bad about it. You beat yourself up and then in the future you become more anxious about it, which either makes it worse or it means that you, you pull back too much, which is also not healthy.

So I'm, I'm curious have you. Had experience with actually bringing this up with family or, or being like, Hey, I'm struggling with this and this is how it presents. This is what I mean when I do this, or this is why I do this. Have you had any experience trying to explain this to loved ones and partners?

Trina: I mean like I said this is something that's kind of a constant conversation with me and my husband and he will sometimes gently point it out. So he started to just point it out, and it was, upsetting me it was hurting my feelings. And so I, we came up with a gentle way, almost like the hand waving thing for him to point out in a way that I'm interrupting, but I'm always interrupting so he can't point it out all the time. but it's really just about communication. Cause I've had to tell him like, look, this is something that I'm really struggling with that I want to get better at. Or, if we're talking about something that I know I'm excited about, I will tell him before. I'll be like, I'm really excited about this. I'm probably gonna,

O'Ryan: Hmm.

Trina: ramble for a second.

And then, you know, have at it. So he kind of, we almost do like a pass the baton. Okay, now it's your turn have your word. And then we kind of, it almost has to be more planned. just a casual conversation because I need my time and he needs his time. And then in between, I try to zip it. But it doesn't work perfectly. It's just, it's a work in progress. And it depends on if I'm like you said, if the conversation's boring, I'm probably trying to speed it up. And if it's exciting, I'm probably trying to also speed it up. So, it's just like slowing down and. Like really active listening, like really trying to listen and not, maybe I don't have to say something about every sentence.

O'Ryan: I think that's the bit that I struggle with is that feeling of I need to say something. I need to participate. I need to make my thoughts known.

Trina: Yeah. I mean, I think it just, it is about listening and really it's so hard to listen when everything in your brain is just like firing, but it's like a practice of just active listening and it is a work in progress currently.

O'Ryan: even mentioned, you mentioned that like when he pointed it out in you that you were interrupting that you felt bad

Trina: Oh

O'Ryan: there's probably like tons of there's just a complex soup of emotions there where it's well, I was just trying to express myself. I want to be heard. And I feel bad that you feel bad, but there's definitely this other part of it, right?

Where you're actually making them feel that way because to them. It feels almost like you're dismissing what they're saying to prioritize your own experience.

Trina: Yeah. And that is hard with people that you have close relationships with. They want to feel heard. They

O'Ryan: Hmm.

Trina: feel heard. And sometimes it feels like we're not listening. Because we're interrupting and we're talking so much, it feels like we're not. I think that's the biggest issue with the people that we love is they're, they're like, are you listening?

Are you here? You know, I'm here. I'm just like five miles over ahead of you. Like I'm trying to get you to

O'Ryan: Yeah.

Trina: me.

O'Ryan: I'm yelling back.

Trina: Come on. But yeah, it's a, it is a challenge for sure. That's why I called in.

O'Ryan: You mentioned a baton and I've definitely heard the talking stick before specifically in the kindergarten class. But I'm curious especially from you, Noel, if there are some other tactics that maybe you've come across or that working with your clients that you have recommended or that you would recommend.

Noelle: Yeah, I think you're gonna want to figure out exactly what's going on for you, but depending on what that is, if it's maybe a lot of energy and excitement, maybe a lot of energy. know, you're going into a conversation in advance that is something you're excited about or even something that you're anxious about. you can do a little bit of exercise beforehand to discharge some of that energy or during the conversation maybe there's a fidget or something that you could sneakily with. Maybe even writing notes or doodling during. The conversation, just to have some way to get that energy out, that's a whole other brain thing that I could talk about that I think is super fascinating, but, basically, the part of our brain that's supposed to shut down while we're listening and paying attention. In neurotypical people, that's it works. In, in our brains, that just never happens. It's a whole thing we could talk about at some point. It's really cool. But yeah, taking notes of the thoughts and ideas that come up during the conversation so you're not worried about remembering what you wanted to say later. And, there was one client, It's been a while, but I really remember this particular strategy because it worked really well for them. Is, they had a partner who wanted to talk about work and stuff like that, they just were not really interested in it Because the work that their partner does is not something they really understand or are interested in.

And so present and not interrupting or even not getting distracted during those conversations was really tough. the strategy we came up with was to treat conversations like a game. With intention being, I want to show my partner I care by being present for these conversations. And you can do this with anyone, with any conversation. Think ahead of time, or as you're entering the conversation, is my role here? What is my intention? I sometimes will ask that especially because I'm that person that random people, even strangers, will just come up to and start talking to and sharing their problems and I will often pause and say, okay, before I respond, are you wanting therapist hat?

Are you wanting coach hat? Are you wanting friend who's you're right or die? What is it you want me to just listen? And once you have a clear idea of what your role is in the conversation, it makes it a lot easier, I think, to decide which of those impulses to follow up on and which to ignore. we came up with this, you know, treat the conversation as if it's a game. The goal is show your partner you care, instead of focusing on the content of the discussion, focus on your loved one, as they're talking, be aware of their body language, their facial expression, feeling words that they use, if any, how quiet or how fast they talk or slow or whatever. And as you're noticing these things those are good things to reflect on and show them that you're paying attention to them. Because really, most of the time, unless they're looking for specific advice, not telling you about all this stuff at work because they want you to know that thing at work. telling you what happened at work want to connect with you. Those are all active listening skills. It's going to give you the, A, you're probably going to be more interested in how your partner's feeling and thinking they're actually doing. so Yeah.

O'Ryan: I love this idea of prioritizing the other person in the conversation because it is so easy to prioritize your own experience to be like, I'm bored or I'm excited or I want to move the conversation along to this other thing. But being able to say in this moment, I am prioritizing you to show you how much I care and to make sure that you feel heard.

But then also Just to make sure that there is that balance in that relationship, whether it is a partner, like a romantic partner or even a work relationship. Right? Cause if your coworkers feel like, Oh, O'Ryan always just rambles on. He talks about dinosaurs and space and all this other random things in the middle of like our, our strategy meeting.

Noelle: Yeah.

Trina: for sure. I resonate with that because I'm married to an IT guy. He talks about work, and I'm literally can barely open my laptop. yeah, I have to really, really focus. I do try to look at okay, he's just wanting to vent right now, I need to just let him vent. I don't need to know everything about IT to have a conversation with him. so that it is a good reminder and I think it also just like plays into the active listening and it's something that I feel like we have to make an effort, you have to really focus on it if you want to get better at it and it's, it's challenging.

O'Ryan: If there was one thing that we could leave our listeners with,

Trina: One,

two, three, self compassion. Come on guys, I thought we were going to all say it at the same

O'Ryan: Oh, I was like, why is she counting down?

Trina: Okay, well that's the biggest one for me. I feel like self compassion just remembering that there's so many complexities with ADHD and just, looking at it from a higher lens instead of it's always so internal and why am I doing this and why am I doing that just take a zoom out and look

O'Ryan: Hmm.

Trina: That would be a good one. then also just maybe find more ADHD friends that you can have these crazy conversations with. Yeah.

Noelle: Yeah, I think sort of connected to that is have realistic expectations. for what to expect. People with ADHD may not ever communicate in the same way that a neurotypical person communicates. We may not ever completely eradicate interrupting, because even neurotypical people do it sometimes. So, make sure that your expectations for yourself are realistic. Don't say, hey, I'm gonna work on this It's so much in the next week that I'm going to be a pro. You know, it's a lifelong process. It took me just in the therapy arena learning to do that active listening four years in grad school and I'm still learning now as a coach. So it's okay if it takes a while. I think the most important word in the English language to me is the word and. Whenever you feel that t guilt or shame or whatever it is, when you notice you interrupted, put an and after it. Yeah, I interrupted someone again, and I'm aware of it this time. That's a big step. It gives me the opportunity to learn how to do it better next time.

O'Ryan: I love that

Trina: i, I want to back up because I think

Self compassion is key, but it's just figuring out how to communicate this with the people around you and communicate that you're struggling with it.

And. I think people appreciate open communication in that way. If you say this is something that I'm struggling with, can you help me here? Most people, they love an opportunity to help another human. And we don't give people that opportunity as much as we should to just be open and honest , about our struggles is really important.

O'Ryan: So good. There's also an element of in communication in general, the goal is yes, to connect, but to be able to express yourself and when you are interrupting, you're doing it out of a place of desire to connect, right? And I think that if you can explain that to your loved ones Hey, the reason I do this is because I want to connect with you.

This is a bid for connection in this situation. Maybe it's a poorly formed one or it's not landing. Right. But it's a bid for connection. And I think that if they can understand that they can come at your conversations with them. With much more compassion and understanding too.

Noelle: Yeah.

Trina: I love that.

Noelle: When people understand why you're doing a thing, they're gonna be a lot more compassionate because their brain isn't coming up with your reason for

O'Ryan: Yeah, exactly.

If you're, if you're leaving space for them to guess what you're trying to communicate, they're going to fill it in with their own things.

Noelle: The best approach to use in any given situation is gonna be different depending on who you're talking to so if you Allow yourself to be vulnerable And say, Hey, the reason I'm interrupting is because I'm really excited to share this with you and show you that I care, show you that I understand what you're talking

O'Ryan: hmm.

Noelle: by sharing a similar experience, or just feeling really anxious about this conversation and it's making it really hard to focus on the topic or whatever it is. Then you can follow it up with, How can I obtain that same goal in this interaction with you in a way that feels better to you?

O'Ryan: or people who don't know me very well is I pre label what I'm about to say. So it might be like, Oh, if I can interrupt you for a second, that made me think of, and then I might say it, or, Hey, I know that we're talking about X, but this also is interesting and it just reminded me of this, or just being able to label it sometimes can set that expectation for the other person of why you're saying it.

And it doesn't feel so much like an interruption, it feels more like a continuation.

Trina: Why does that feel so advanced? I feel like you're three levels above me, O'Ryan. I am not there yet.

O'Ryan: I don't think so.

Trina: you have the, your breaks are better. You have better break pads than me.

O'Ryan: It's, it's just a life of being misunderstood as an ADHD person.

Trina: oh goodness.

O'Ryan: Okay. I think we've done a fairly decent job of not interrupting each other. I feel we were very, very in control.

Hey, this is Alex and you're listening to Brainwaves, your guide to all things ADHD. Brought to you by Shimmer, the number one coaching platform for people with ADHD.

O'Ryan: Today, we talked about interrupting and how it relates to ADHD and relationships. We explore why it happens from impulse control issues to excitement or even anxiety. We discussed strategies like using visual cues, practicing, active listening. And being vulnerable with loved ones about why we interrupt.

A big takeaway from me this episode was just how important it is to prioritize the relationship that we're trying to foster.

It can be really easy to be selfish and prioritize our own experience. Leaving others feeling unheard.

A simple way to do that is to just let our loved ones know that we often interrupt because we're excited and want to connect with them instead of getting frustrated. This might allow them to approach our conversations with more compassion. I personally like framing it as a bid for connection, both for myself and those, I might be interrupting.

You'll find links to a whole bunch of additional resources and more, if you were subscribed to the newsletter. Or at shimmer.care/brainwaves

if you have a question and want to be featured in a future episode, head over to the site again, that's

shimmer.care/brainwaves

where you'll be able to submit your audio questions as well as check out our past episodes.

Okay. Until next time.

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