Celebrate queer neurodivergence with Pride

Hey there, fellow Shimmer neuroqueer friends! 🌈 Recently, I came across the term "Neuroqueer" in an article on Shimmer, and it struck a chord with me. It beautifully encapsulated my experience at Pride Toronto 2024. As someone who recently moved to Canada and was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 29, I've been on a journey to fully embrace my queerness and neurodivergence.

Like many of us, I had a picture-perfect image of what Pride would be like—vibrant, dynamic, and a celebration where everyone would accept me just as I am. But the reality, as some of you might know, can be a bit different.

For neuroqueer individuals, Pride can sometimes bring feelings of exclusion, imposter syndrome, or even impulsive behaviors. But don’t worry, we’ve got this! Let’s explore how we can celebrate our identities to the fullest, embracing both our queerness and ADHD.

Imposter Syndrome & Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)

Let’s dive right into a biggie—Imposter Syndrome and RSD. These are feelings that I know all too well, and I bet some of you do too. It's that nagging sense that you don't quite belong or that you're not "enough" in queer spaces. This feeling often starts as soon as you begin planning your Pride activities. Questions flood your mind: "What if people think I'm weird?" "Will they still like me if I set boundaries?" "Am I attractive enough?" These thoughts can be especially intense for BIPOC individuals, who may feel additional pressure to fit into certain molds or worry about being judged for how they present themselves.

But here’s the thing—self-compassion was my superpower in these moments. I know, I know, it might sound like an overused buzzword, but stick with me. Self-compassion isn't about being perfect; it's about being kind to yourself. Here's a simple breakdown on how to practice it:

1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to feel insecure or out of place. Trust me, you're not alone in feeling this way. Recognize these feelings without judgment.
2. Understand You’re Not Alone: Believe me, many people share these thoughts, including the ones around you. Extending compassion to yourself and others can shift your perspective and make you feel more connected.
3. Create a Safe Space: When planning your Pride activities, find a nearby spot where you can take a breather if needed. Whether it’s a cozy café, a quiet park, or even just a bench away from the crowd, having a go-to spot planned in advance can be a lifesaver. Use mindfulness apps for quick breathing exercises to help you re-center.
4. Communicate and Unmask your ADHD: This one can be tough, but it's worth it. Be open about your ADHD. I found it incredibly freeing to tell people about my social anxiety and comfort levels. It turns out, most folks are understanding when you communicate openly. It's all about unmasking and being your authentic self.

For my BIPOC neuroqueer friends, I want to stress that it's perfectly fine if you don't feel at home in every Pride event. Find your crowd, look for your own people. You don’t have to hang out with the “popular” crowd to have a great time. I remember walking in the parade feeling a bit out of place until my partner reminded me that there's space for everyone at Pride—you just need to find your own.

Managing impulsivity

Now, let's talk about impulsivity—a classic ADHD trait that can really flare up during events like Pride. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and find yourself buying drinks for everyone, purchasing random items, or agreeing to activities that you’re not comfortable with, all in the name of fitting in or being liked. As an Arab queer, I’ve often felt the need to mold myself to fit in, sometimes masking my identity to seem more likeable.

But here’s a little secret: you don't have to do that. One technique that’s been a game-changer for me thanks to my Shimmer ADHD Coach is urge surfing. It's a way to manage those unwanted behaviors by riding out the urge like a surfer on a wave. Here’s how it works:

1. Recognize the Urge: The first step is simply acknowledging that you're having an urge. Whether it's the impulse to spend money or say yes to something you're not comfortable with, just notice it.
2. Observe Without Reacting: This part is crucial. Don’t try to suppress your feelings or thoughts. Instead, observe them without reacting. It’s normal to feel some discomfort, but remember, it’s just an urge—it’s not a command.
3. Remind Yourself of Your Control: An urge is just a feeling; it's not something you must act on. It’s temporary and will pass on its own. You have the power to choose your actions.

Having an accountability buddy can also be incredibly helpful. This could be a friend or partner who understands your tendencies and can help keep you in check. For instance, if you tend to spend impulsively, bring only the cash you need. It’s a small step, but it can make a big difference.

Building your Pride experience

Pride is a time to celebrate who we are, in all our beautiful, neurodivergent glory. But it’s also a time that can be overwhelming, especially with the sensory overload and social expectations. Here’s a little advice to make your Pride experience as enjoyable as possible:

• Plan Ahead: Know which events you want to attend and set realistic expectations. It's okay to skip some events if they don’t feel right for you.
• Sensory Management: Pride events can be loud and crowded. Bring noise-canceling headphones or earplugs if you’re sensitive to noise. Don’t forget a water bottle to stay hydrated, and perhaps a fidget toy or something comforting to help you stay grounded.
• Take Breaks: It’s perfectly fine to step away when you need a break. Find a quiet spot to decompress, check in with yourself, and then decide if you want to rejoin or head home.
• Be Yourself: Remember, Pride is about celebrating diversity and authenticity. Whether you’re loud and proud or more reserved, there’s a place for you.

Authentic neuroqueer pride

As we celebrate Pride, let's honor our unique neurodivergence and embrace our authentic selves. Whether you're navigating imposter syndrome, impulsivity, or just trying to find your crowd, remember that you're not alone. Let's celebrate our differences and find joy in our unique journeys.

For more tips on navigating life with ADHD, check out Shimmer’s other articles on managing RSD.

If you’re looking for more support, consider reaching out to a Shimmer ADHD coach who can provide personalized guidance and strategies.

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