As we prepare the holiday season, one of the most important conversations to have is about boundaries and your comfort.
Perhaps your family doesn’t understand why you need conversation breaks, need to leave the party early, or why you get overwhelmed by certain types of questions or Aunt Linda.
Sometimes, the people we love most don’t understand what we need in order to enjoy the time with them. A lot of times, in these situations, neurodivergent people are told to “deal with it for just one day,” or to “not be difficult at dinner.” In other words, we’re forced to mask and repress ourselves, which can be stressful and draining - and can be a real buzzkill in what would otherwise be a pleasant gathering.
It’s unfair for you to have to shoulder the responsibility for everyone else’s comfort on your own rather than everyone else meeting you halfway. If you’re ready for change this season, here are some tips on how to keep your cool while the conversation heats up!
In the spirit of the holiday, here’s a little winter metaphor to remember.
Imagine yourself dressed in a snuggly winter coat, fluffy mittens, a good thick beanie, and a solid pair of waterproof boots 🧤🧥🥾 – these are your boundaries.
❄️ Each family gathering becomes a little bit of a snowfall - beautiful, sometimes chilly, sometimes a brewing storm.
🔥 Your boundaries act as the warm layers that shield you from the frost bite of the storm - that long-lasting damage and pain.
Just like you wouldn't go into a snowstorm without a warm outfit, you shouldn’t navigate family expectations and festivities without your boundaries.
Hold ‘em tight! 🫂
If anything, or anyone, tries stir up a storm, your boundaries are a barrier against icy comments and chilling questions. 🥶
Setting boundaries is easier said than done, especially if you’ve never done so before in a particular environment. Concrete examples can serve as a great starting point for you to iterate off of - so, here are a few of our favorites.
If you’re anticipating a struggle with setting boundaries (either internally, or via pushback from others), or if you’re not sure what boundaries you need to set, these tips may help.
The season isn’t about making others happy - at least, not at the expense of your own happiness. It’s about sharing special moments together. You deserve to have a happy holiday just as much as anyone else. You should not have to put your needs on the backburner for someone else to enjoy their season. If you need to leave a conversation, change a subject, or refuse a question, we hope you know you have the right to protect yourself in that way.
You've got this!