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Holidays should be about creating joyful memories and spending time with your favorite people. But for those with ADHD, the holidays can be a whole thing!
If you have a neurospicy brain, chances are, some holiday traditions have you breaking out in a cold sweat and running for the hills. Those of you with neurotypical brains (that is, those of you who don’t have ADHD, ASD, or other neurodivergence) might want to take the time to understand why that is.
Changing or modifying family traditions can make the holidays more inclusive. Your ADHD loved ones may even get excited about family activities for once!
What makes a tradition ADHD-friendly?
There’s this idea that traditions are uptight, stuffy, and confining. Sometimes, they are. But none of those things work well with neurodiverse brains. The whole point of a tradition is to do something together each year that you pass on to family or friends. If the tradition is a chore, chances are your ADHD loved ones will opt-out or “act out” (according to neurotypical standards).
Traditions should be centered on connection, not coercion and compulsion. Here are a few elements to consider when creating ADHD-friendly holiday traditions that cater to your loved one's strengths and challenges.
Flexibility
Some ADHD brains need rigid schedules to stay focused and avoid procrastination. Others need flexibility for hyper-focus and downtime.
When you’re creating ADHD-friendly traditions, it’s important to make space for your loved one's specific ADHD needs. No one experiences ADHD the same way, and you should be open to creating and adapting traditions accordingly.
For example:
- If your loved one struggles with time blindness ⌚ or is easily overwhelmed in social situations🤯, consider a relaxed, low-key tradition that takes all day. Let your loved one know the start and end time, but make it clear that they can arrive whenever they like. That way, there is no need for shame or guilt if they arrive late or want to leave early.
Simplicity
Part of the reason the holidays can be stressful for people with ADHD is the constant self-regulation, planning, and masking that is required. Neurodivergent brains also struggle to filter information, which can lead to decision fatigue.
Overcomplicated holiday traditions can be a major headache during an already overwhelming period. Consider creating traditions that are low-stress and involve little planning.
For example:
- Instead of asking someone with ADHD to help prepare the food for a party, give them one dish. If that still freaks them out, consider something pre-made. Maybe they can bring the drinks, or pick up dessert. Or, ask them to bring the plates, utensils, and napkins - specify how much of each they should buy.
Engagement
ADHD brains get bored easily if they aren’t interested, so choose activities that are interactive. Incorporate movement and creativity to tap into their natural curiosity and energy.
For example:
- Keep fidget toys handy, or opt for a practical activity like cooking or crafting. ADHD brains chase dopamine, so an activity that offers some kind of payoff is a winner 🏆.
Even when incorporating movement or things they naturally enjoy, frequent breaks are also necessary for ADHD brains, which become fatigued quickly. Activities that naturally lend to break times can be more ADHD-friendly.
For example:
- A family card game or board game 🎲 that takes around 30 minutes to play is a great option, especially if it’s one that everyone enjoys playing several rounds of. Make it clear that in between rounds, everyone is free to take time by themselves to do their own thing to prevent over-stimulation.
Balance
People with ADHD can find the holidays a minefield of sensory stimulation. Traditional holiday activities often involve lights, food, alcohol, and large groups of people wanting to make small talk. Even neurotypical brains can be wary of the annual family cook-out where sugared-up kids run riot and nosy family members press all the wrong buttons.
For example:
- Create traditions that won’t overstimulate your ADHD loved ones - or at least, ones that offer them a quiet space to recharge.
- Or, create a schedule for the day, and invite your ADHD loved ones to choose which activities they’ll show up for.
How to make a tradition stick
Creating holiday traditions that resonate with ADHD folks takes intentionality.
Start small
Creating new traditions can be exciting, but too many at once is overwhelming. Starting small allows your loved one's ADHD brain to adjust to the idea (and new routine) without added stress. Pick one or two new activities to try each year.
Be consistent
Traditions are comforting because they’re repeated and familiar. For an activity to stick, you need to be intentional about doing it each year, adjusting elements as needed. Make it a part of your holiday routine by choosing a specific date, time, theme, etc. The goal is to help your loved one’s neurospicy brain know what to expect and plan accordingly.
Encourage involvement
People with ADHD can often feel like outsiders, especially during the holidays when their neurodivergent characteristics are more challenging.
An easy way to create ADHD-friendly traditions is to get them involved in the process. Not only will the sense of ownership foster enthusiasm for the activity, but it will also allow them to advocate for an activity based on their unique needs.
Be open to change
Sometimes, a tradition that worked one year might not the next. That doesn’t mean you have to scrap the whole thing (the whole point of a tradition is to do it on repeat). But be open to adjusting or updating it. Traditions that evolve and adapt can be more meaningful because they consider the people who created them.
Practical tips for holiday traditions
Thoughtful adjustments to your traditions can make all the difference. Here are some practical tips for creating traditions that work for ADHD brains.
💡Plan and communicate clearly: Many people with ADHD thrive with predictability and clear expectations.
- Share schedules in advance.
- Use simple calendars that include key details like time, location, and special requirements.
- Communicate your expectations but make space for flexibility.
💡Manage the sensory load: Holiday time is often a barrage of sights, sounds, smells, and humans!
- Create “retreat” spaces so that those with ADHD can have a spot to quietly recharge, recalibrate, and regulate.
- Opt for smaller gatherings if possible.
- Keep surprises to a minimum. The whole point of communicating your plans and expectations is that your ADHD loved one can prepare.
💡Offer structure and a clear role: Creating traditions takes collaboration, so put that neurodivergent brain to work and assign them a role that capitalizes on their strengths.
- Break tasks into manageable steps and be specific!
- Use planners and checklists.
- Work with their ADHD strengths and challenges in mind.
💡Be patient and empathetic: Traditions don’t just happen; they are years in the making.
- Set the tone for friends and family.
- Use positive reinforcement (i.e., celebrating the wins) rather than criticism and shame.
- Validate your ADHD loved one’s feelings and efforts.
Find the tradition sweet spot for your family
Starting new traditions or adapting old ones takes creativity, intention, and mistakes. A tradition that makes some family members feel uncomfortable and excluded is one to seriously look at. But that doesn’t mean you’ll get it right on the first go.
You’re not just dealing with an activity or family meal; you’re dealing with people who have unique quirks, strengths, and challenges. Just like they are growing and evolving, so should the way you all show up together over the holidays.
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